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Why I Stopped Journaling

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Why I Stopped Journaling: Realizing Reflection Isn't Always Necessary

For my 2015 New Year’s Resolution, I decided to start journaling. 2014 was a tough, sleepless year for me and I thought I needed to make myself spend five minutes a day reflecting and recording what was happening in my life in order to lift my spirits and focus on all the good in my life.

My great grandmother kept a journal of the mostly ranch-centered details of her life including the weather, animal health and reproduction, ranch business, and family life. I felt inspired by this humble record and wanted to reap some benefit from following in her footsteps.

I created a beautiful bookmark using one of my toddler’s watercolors and a nice black pen with prompts to help me start writing if I got stuck. I opened my favorite but not often used Old Farmer’s Almanac Engagement Calendar and started filling the ample sections.

Why I Stopped Journaling: Realizing Reflection Isn't Always Necessary

You might expect a mom with two small children to confess that she simply couldn’t make time to journal. That wasn’t the case. I would put the baby down for his nap and dutifully head to my bedside table for my journal and start writing.

What started out as an attempt to create a positive to-do list for the upcoming day turned into a list of what I could not possibly get done. I named off the things I hoped to accomplish and even as I wrote them I felt heavy hearted and knew I could never get it all done. My hopes for the day were simple and reasonable; I wanted to get the laundry done, do an art project with my daughter, and vacuum. I would think of a great idea for supper and jot it down, and pen out how I was currently feeling.

The problem was I was feeling lousy, overwhelmed, was terribly sleep deprived, and every day that I returned to the journal I saw the pleasant list of things I had planned the day before and could glance into the unvacuumed hallway and knew I had failed. I didn’t cook that great thing for supper and if I did I had felt unappreciated. I didn’t get the laundry done because every being in the house had pottied in anything other than the toilet and there was no way I could keep up. I didn’t make time for that restorative walk for all the reasons a new mom has for not making time for herself. I was desperate to feel better and reflecting on my daily life was making me feel much worse rather than better. I hoped to feel gratified by recording my daily life and really I should have just been focusing on putting one foot in front of the other and forgetting all about the never ending stream of laundry. I started crying when I would get a few sentences in and felt like I couldn’t bear to face the kitchen full of my shortcomings.

I stopped journaling because I was in an entirely wrong frame of mind. I also think I was focused too much on tasks and not enough on emotions, which I still struggle with between my ears. I was madly in love with my babies, enjoying my part time teaching job, but the wave of chores was drowning me and writing about it was only making it worse. I actually started and stopped journalling several times in the first six months of the year and each time I quickly realized I wasn’t in the right place of mind or heart to reflect further. Until the tide of to-do ebbs a bit, until the baby sleeps more consistently, until I can refocus and forget about chores and accomplishments in the right now, I don’t need to reflect on the day, and that is something you don’t hear much of. I think that sometimes a gal’s best course of action is to heed the words of William Ernest Henley’s poem Invictus (that I make my 8th grade students memorize and recite) and while a girl’s head may be bloody, it better be unbowed.

I happened upon this beautiful journal on Etsy created by the talented artist Katie Daisy here and I think I want to try again. Maybe by the first day of 2016 my perspective will have shifted, my heartbeat slowed, and my mind will be clearer. I don’t feel like I failed at journaling; I made a choice to stop. I felt like I was entirely too beat up from the “bludgeonings of chance” to see much beyond and that is okay. Until the looking glass is clear, I will only look forward. That’s the only direction I’m headed anyway.

Typewriter 101: Tips for Purchasing a Vintage Typewriter

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Typewriter 101: Tips for Purchasing a Vintage Typewriter

How to Cultivate Lasting Friendship

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 When I started blogging, I thought that I would never, ever delve into the cerebral or the touchy-feely. And here I am already, writing about lasting friendship.

How to Cultivate Lasting Friendship

I don’t know the statistics but I feel like I am in a minority when I say I have the greatest friends with whom I have enjoyed friendship for years. My dearest friends are those I share memories with for 2 decades or more, and I’m only 31. Other friends, I made later, in college, and have still keep in close touch with despite distance and change. I have felt strongly, ever since high school when friendship turbulence blustered around my tightly knit group of girlfriends, affecting other souls but never us directly, that I was very lucky indeed to share company with such loving, kind, smart, hardworking, and supportive women.

Friendship starts out all about fun and I see now as I become ever more an adult that it is more about love, encouragement, and weathering the storms of life with and for one another and the fun is the cherry on top.

The list I will share below will be incomplete and evolving but it is a starting point for anyone who wishes to cultivate or strengthen existing friendship.

  1. Assume the best in people. I am so fortunate that my friends assume the best in me when I forget birthdays (I’m ashamed to admit I’ve done it more than once), arrive late, change or cancel plans, forget to return calls or texts, can’t attend, and share my copious feelings at inappropriate times. My friends know I’m busy, chronically tardy, and managing a lot in my life. I’m an imperfect person, and so are my nearest and dearest, and that is okay. I always know they mean well and are doing the best they can. It sounds simple but it is a crucial choice of the mindset that can affect your relationships enormously.
  2. Accept change. This is probably hardest for women moving from the metaphorical apartments with friends to homes with marriages and mortgages. One of our dearests had children earlier than the rest of us. Was it a bummer that she moved and missed out on lots of fun college capers? Sure, we would have loved to have her around but were we angry or offended by her absence? Obviously not because things change and that is the way life works. Do I feel a little wistful hearing about my childless and more carefree friends going on weekend adventures while I toil away washing tiny toddler clothing? Of course, but feeling resentment would be silly. Life changes at different paces for everyone and soon enough you might find yourself in the slow lane. Just be grateful that when your turn there comes, your friends will be there for you when things change yet again.
  3. Be friends with their friends. I love my friend’s friends. The gals my besties work with, went to college with, and have met in times and places I wasn’t a part of are just another element of my dearest to be appreciated. It is so much easier, and so much more enjoyable if the circles of friends can overlap. Make a genuine effort to extend friendship to those your closest pals have befriended. I have been warmly welcomed into a pod of UC Davis girls despite being a Chico State alumna, and included in outings full of nurses despite being a teacher. I can add nothing to their chats about work but you know what? They love my friends so I love them too. Their relationships don’t threaten yours; they complement it.  
  4. Plan time. I don’t spend time with anyone who would declare that they aren’t busy at all and that they have all kinds of time available for socializing. No matter your stage of life, Wildflowers, you and your friends are going to be busy. Plan time to see one another and enjoy one another. If a member of your girl gang can’t make it then no big deal; you will see her next time. I think that part is key: If you wait until the time is perfect when no one is going to be inconvenienced, you might still be waiting. The time spent together doesn’t have to be fancy or choreographed. Think quality over quantity.
  5. Build each other up. You know those days when it feels overwhelming that you are doing a terrible job at everything? Or when you feel undeniably fat, like a total failure, like your house is a wreck and your choices leave a lot to be desired? DO NOT be another voice in the crowd telling your friends that they stink. People rarely are asking for advice when they share their feelings. We speak in order to be heard, so listen when your pals vent about their family, their work, and the choices that may or may not have been the best. I’m a lover of quotes from all sources, and the Bible has it right on; “As iron sharpens iron, one [wo]man sharpens another.” Our role as friends is to build each other up, to celebrate our success and encourage when the sailing isn’t smooth. We sharpen one another, in the most powerful sense, and being a whetstone for our dearest friends is a duty not to be taken lightly.
  6. Love. When heartbreak strikes (and it will, sadly) your dearest, respond with love. There have been times that I had no idea how to help a friend experiencing something awful but I know that I did my best (see #1 above) by admitting I didn’t know how to help, offering and then doing what I could, and by hugging, crying, and laughing. I have theorized (on my own, privately, as I drive and wash dishes) that growing up has nothing to do with bearing children as popularly believed but with realizing, facing, and experiencing our mortality. When a friend’s strength is physically or metaphorically sapped by issues of mortality, be that strength for them, as best you can.

Rejoice in your friend’s successes and ache and then act for them in times of trial. Assume they are acting as best they can with what they have and do the same to them. Spend time together and treasure it, rather than the rating or quantifying it. Be each other’s cheerleaders and plan on a lifetime of love from one another.


I’d love to hear what you’d add to this list, Wildflowers. Share in the comment section below!  

Wooden Tools I Love

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While plastic has many, many virtues, and many invaluable applications, most of the time I hate it. I hate how it gets brittle, breaks, often it can’t be recycled most and when it can it isn’t recycled into a number that can be recycled again (lame, right?). Frankly, recycling is a time suck that I don’t enjoy. It is right up there with sacking up garbage in terms of activities I want to do after a long day. If a plastic item isn’t recycled, it sits for the untold number of years in a landfill somewhere which is totally gross, and dealing with said gross landfill will undoubtedly be a huge financial drain for society in the future.

Of course, I appreciate how my milk containers don’t break when I bang them on the trunk lid, and I love how plastics are used in the medical field to make us healthier in a wide variety of ways, but overall, I try to avoid plastic junk when at all possible.

Conversely, I love wood products. I love the idea of purchasing something that I don’t have to recycle in any time consuming or laborious sense. Wood lasts. When I wear out my wooden toothbrush, I toss it into the wood stove or into the compost pile. I love the idea that lots of wood products come from the US and support guys and gals here at home. By using wooden tools, we can slowly break the cycle of buying things designed to last only a little while and get in the habit of buying things that last a long time. I feel strongly that purchasing quality products end up saving money over the long run.

Here are some of the wooden tools I love to use in my home. The links below are indeed affiliate links, but rest assured I’d never recommend a product that I didn’t love and use (or ask Santa for) myself. You can click on the pictures and you’ll be taken to Amazon if you’d like to try them out, or you can seek out high-quality wooden goods at local craft fairs (my favorite place to find wooden spoons, for example) and shops.

This pot scrubber is perfect for doing just as the name implies. I like how it sits up on its own without falling over haphazardly the way long handled brushes do. This little fella sits at the ready sink-side and does a good but gentle job on all important egg-frying pan
This little gem is what I use on the grime in the bathtub, on the linoleum, and anywhere else that requires a lot of elbow grease. I also like that the handle isn’t as slippery when wet as a plastic scrub brush. It sounds silly, but I have banged my knuckles on the tub more than once using a plastic scrubber but never again.

And my favorite: The wooden toothbrush. I love these Izola toothbrushes because they are stamped with the months on the handle so I know when to toss them into the wood stove or compost pile. The bristles also are sturdy enough to last the suggested 3 months. This brand also has other varieties including ones with the handles stamped with inspirational words or with numbers. I left mine in the bathroom on a recent girl’s trip to Lake Tahoe and it brought about a huge laugh at me and my vaguely “natural” toothbrush choices but it gave me a chance for me to explain how much better wood is than plastic. My husband thinks they are silly and lackluster but to those who think similarly I’d point out that I still have had zero cavities. A coincidence? I think not 😉

I don’t own these clothespins but I’m sure I need to. They are made in America, have a lifetime guarantee, and are bigger and way better than the regular ol’ made in China version. Santa, please make note that I’d like these in my stocking.

These are just the products that I have replaced and hope to use in my little home. What other tools should be on this list, Wildflowers? Share in the comment section below!

Very Inspiring Blog Award

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Very Inspiring Blogger Award| A Domestic Wildflower click to read what inspires this crafting, sewing, DIY, canning blogger and see why she's so inspiring!

 

I have been honored with the Very Inspiring Blogger award by Hannah of Palindrome Dry Goods. Her blog is spot on and her taste in fabrics is delicious. Check her blog out here and Etsy shop here.

Here’s how the award works!

Award Guidelines:

1. Thank the person who nominated you and add a link to their blog.

2. Display the award logo in a blog entry

3. List the award guidelines so your nominees will know what to do

4. State 7 hidden facts about yourself OR 3 things that inspire you.

5. Nominate other blogger friends for the award.

I will choose to share three things that inspires me with you all.

  1. Fabric

Fabric is as much a part of my memory as smell or music is the rest of us. When I see fabric from my past- the heart print sheet set from when I was a little girl, the jewel tone floral from the couch cushions my mom made, the mod polka dot print of my first day of teaching school skirt- I can recall instantly, effortlessly, the feeling of the time when I wore or felt or enjoyed the fabric (or didn’t enjoy, like the scratchy green lame’ sleeves from when I was a wintertime flower girl). I remember what each interviewer wore when I was interviewed for the Ford Family Scholarship when I was a senior in high school and when I applied for my first and only teaching job. I remember what many of my students wore on their first days of school, all eight first days that I have taught.

For me, fabric choice is such a deliberate and personal thing, and though often free and easy when I’m standing in my closet or in the fabric store, I read into it a great deal. So when I’m checking out what someone wore to an important event, it isn’t with a negative eye. It is me making a memory and trying to discern what consciously or subconsciously the wearer was trying to feel by choosing it. When I open dusty boxes of old fabric belonging to my Gram or other relatives I feel a great excitement and privilege, like I am seeing paints belonging to Botticelli or Michelangelo. This is all so, so “fabric nerd” of me but I will wear that label with pride. Fabric inspires me big time.

2. My Gram

My grandma Glory Ann inspires my creative process in many ways. She’s a realistic and practical sewist. I often think, “What would Gram do?” when faced with domestic dilemmas. She is 83 years young and has lived through some very tough and some very wonderful things. Because of her unfailingly kind and sensible influence, I am a better, more practical, reflective, and more realistic sewist and person.

She would never splurge on yards of fabric without having a plan in mind for their use, for example. She and I might come up with a realistic plan on the spot in the fabric store, but we aren’t gals without a plan. When I make a mistake cutting, I admonish myself to be more like her, to read the directions more carefully before taking out the scissors. When I need to rip out a seam, I try to recall her saying, “Oh, it will be all right!” and laughing about a sewing misstep. When I suggested trying out an old, found pressure cooker without getting the gauge checked and without the instruction book, she wisely recalled a kitchen explosion of her own where berries and glass ended up in her ceiling. I thus got the pressure cooker checked.

Frugality and thrift are popular buzzwords now but until you see the large sack of zippers my Gram ripped out of worn-out garments and saved her whole dang life for future use, I’m afraid you aren’t understanding the real philosophy of “make do and mend” the way she (and other awesome ladies of a certain age, time and place) does. I’m working my way through her sack of zippers, one project at a time, and I’ll never forget to ask myself, “What would Gram do?”.

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3. Saving Money

It is all well and good to say that money doesn’t matter but it does. It matters a lot. It matters a lot to me because I see money as time. The more money I make plus the less money I spend equals more time. I want all the time I can at home with my kids, spending time doing things I want to do. I love my job and am lucky to have a well-paying job that is so enjoyable and I wish the same for all of my students. But, I am inspired by those who figure out a way to make something last, make it for less, and make something better. If money-saving steps like hanging laundry out to dry (in my post here) and saving some strawberries from the compost pile (here and here) can become automatic, our lives improve in ways we can’t measure in dollars and cents. I was lucky enough to have some very frugal women in my family (my mom and Gram above, specifically) teach me how to do things the smart way, as opposed to the easier, and often more expensive way, and thus I spend very little time thinking about money now. I want to work smarter, not harder, and I’m inspired by anyone who does just that.

I’d like to nominate Elena of Randomly Happy. Her sewing technique is top notch and I love her choice in fabrics. Her writing style is smooth as silk as well. Be sure to check out her very inspiring sewing blog!

What inspires you, Wildflowers? Share in the comment section below!

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